How to do yourself reflection rightly? Reflexion is useful and harmfu.l.
If earlier only psychologists talked about self-reflection (self-analysis), now, thanks to many popular psychological blogs, this term has reliably settled in the vocabulary of people. But not everybody understands what it is - that is why many people complain that reflexion is not beneficial, but only sadness and depression. So what is it and how can we direct reflexion to our own benefit?
What is reflexion?
Reflexion is the direction of reflection, of thoughts within oneself. Awareness of oneself and the ability to trace one's inner psychological processes are exactly what distinguishes people from animals. Reflexion is also one of the tools that help people change their lives for the better and make them happier. But in order to make reflexion work for itself, one has to reflexive properly.
Why do you need reflexion?
Of course, you can do without reflexion. Moreover, many people with variable success live without reflexion: well, I wanted to do so, I did. Then I wanted to do it differently, I did it differently. It is possible to live like that, and you can't even be happy.
One should understand that while the motives of one's own actions remain unknown to a person, a person looks like a traveler blindfolded. He walked to the touch, ran into a thorn - oh, wrong way, I'll go the other way ... Of course, the thorn may not be in the way, if you're lucky? Then the path will be easy and calm ... But it doesn't depend on the traveler at all.
The reflexion allows you to remove the bandage from your eyes, to see the road that you are walking on, and to act consciously, to go towards the goal without staggering from side to side under the influence of external factors.
Major reflexion errors.
Reflection error number 1 - think about actions, but not motives.
Reflexion means not just thinking, but first of all realizing oneself and the processes that take place inside. It is not enough to think: I seem to have done something stupid, I will not do it again. It is important to understand why you did it. How did you feel about it? What kind of thoughts did you have? What did you want at that moment? - These are the questions that really make it possible to understand why you're doing this and not doing it differently.
Reflexion error number two - stuck in the past.
If you pay too much attention to analyzing the past, you can't go forward, the past keeps you like a chain. Your attention is there, your thoughts are there. And you are here. How far are you going to go? You have to understand your motives, you have to understand your mistakes, but you don't have to endlessly analyze a situation that has long been left behind. You can't change the past, but you can change the future. It's in your hands - right now. So cling to what you can't change anymore - it's better to change what you really can.
Reflection error number three - blame yourself...
The past cannot be changed, so there's no point in accusing yourself of making the wrong decision. Making mistakes is normal, it's not a failure but a normal part of life. And it is not constructive to blame yourself for making mistakes - there is nothing you can do about it. But it is really necessary and useful to try to understand why it happened, how you got to the place where you got to avoid stepping on the same rake.
Reflection error number four - take responsibility for everything...
There are always things that we can influence and things that don't depend on us. It's very important to separate one from the other. There are processes in other people that are independent of us at all or very little. It also happens that unfavourable circumstances arise. Therefore, no one can ever control the situation, completely and completely. You can analyze and correct their own behavior, but you can not influence someone else's - it is out of control, the will of another person.
But how is it necessary reflection the right?
1. Analyse your feelings and sensations.
Ask yourself more often: "What am I feeling right now?" Try to immerse yourself in feelings, to feel them. Even if the feelings are negative, try not to get out of them right away. The habit of paying attention to your emotions and feeling and understanding yourself is something that makes existence and interaction with others much easier.
2. Pay attention to situations in which you have behaved unexpectedly or to which you have reacted very strongly / emotionally.
If your reaction to something was unexpected for you, or if it seems to you post facto too sharp - it means that there is some internal trigger, a "trigger" that has left the level of consciousness, but has triggered a certain reaction in you. Try to find it. You can do this by spinning the chain: why I did this / reacted - how I felt - where my feeling came from.
3. Try to keep the focus on yourself.
When you have learned to feel clearly, your feelings and understand why - try to keep the state of awareness for a longer time. Observe yourself and your inner processes, track changes in the emotional background and see what is affecting it. At first, it is very tiring even for a few minutes, but then you start to understand yourself better and can hold on to your feelings longer.
4. If the feelings have become very acute or unpleasant - stop.
Reflexion gives you the opportunity to look deeper into yourself, but in the depths can be traumatic things. If in the process of self-analysis you have felt acute mental pain, longing, painful feelings that are hard to bear - it is better to get out of self-analysis and switch to something pleasant, and painful moments to think about later (and it is best to do it with a good psychologist).
5. Do not try to control everything.
Reflexion is not a tool for controlling reality, other people or even your own emotions. It simply helps to understand oneself better and to shake less under the influence of external factors. But reflexion is not intended to make you a walking analytical machine without emotions. If you go too deeply into the analysis, you do not get real pleasure from life - because life consists of surprises, and there must be a place of spontaneity in it. It is important to find a balance between spontaneity and awareness.
Why do you need to understand yourself?
As long as you remain an unfamiliar stranger to yourself, as long as you are not ready to understand yourself and your motives - your life does not depend on you. Which means you can be controlled by other people or just random events. If you understand who you are, how you feel and why you are doing this, and not otherwise, control over your life is in your own hands. And this is a prerequisite for you to make your life truly yours.